Is Sexual Alchemy For me?
If you wake up more often than not wondering what happened to the woman you used to be before the responsibility of raising kids consumed your life, don’t blame anyone. It happens more often than not!
What else fills you up?
How do you cultivate aliveness within yourself?
As mothers we will give and give and give to our children, to our partners, to our family of origin, to our friends and to our community. We will give until we are empty, and then look to our children and to our partners love to fill us up. We ask them to show their love and devotion and when they don’t, we get resentful. We feel unloved, unseen and not important, but you know what? That is not their fault. Self-responsibility is very important. We need to realize that when we allow ourselves to feel this way, we are not filling ourselves up with our own love first.
As mothers when life moves through us it opens up our capacity to love beyond anything we’ve known before, and with each child we bear, that capacity to love increases more and more. It is up to us as mothers to give back to ourselves.
You need to ask yourself:
What else fills me up?
What else beyond family fills me up?
We must learn to cultivate our own aliveness with in us again.
Think about what attracted you to your partner in the first place.
Think about what attracted you to your partner in the first place, and them to us. If you want our partnership to last you must make that a priority in your life. This is what self-care is and no one can do it for us. We will suck the life out of everyone else around us and our children will learn to resent us for using them to fill the empty spaces within ourselves.
When we first become a new mother we think there are no holes in our system because the new motherhood is all consuming. This new being has opened up our heart to a depth that has no end, but we lose parts of ourselves along the way. We look to our partner to fill it up. That’s not fair of us, it’s way too big for one person to help us with. We need to learn to stimulate the other parts of us beyond motherhood. Find your other interests, learn a new skill, reconnect to your body. Ask yourself over and over what else fills me up, then test it out and repeat until you find something that fills you up. What brings you back to you? what connects you to your body besides sex with your partner? Cultivate that connection as well.
What exercise and movement feels good to you? Not what you think you should do, not what your friends tell you to do, what feels good to you. You are not neglecting your child if you spend time on you. It really is learning to put your own oxygen mask on first, and the time to rescue yourself is now.